Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
