do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
