yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
