He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
