Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Randomize
