His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
where are my eyebrows?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
