Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When are your genitals available?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
