that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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