wrigley field is MILF paradise
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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