were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
