You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
