I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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