I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can I color on your dick again?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
