Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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