drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
