I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am one with the molecules
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
