Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize