can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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