birth control should be required to get into college
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
