I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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