i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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