is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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