There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
