after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
