Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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