Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
