420 ftw
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize