I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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