once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
