ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
