she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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