hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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