Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize