I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
