She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
