I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize