it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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