I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I FOUND THE LEGS
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
