Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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