So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
