Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
