I met the friendliest cop last night
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
