Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
