It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
