Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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