EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
