im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
