I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
