i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
