I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
