it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
