I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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