when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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