I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
