I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
