Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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