Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wish there were birth control emojis
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
