i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
