yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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