i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize