Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize