You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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