I look better un-naked...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
