well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
