I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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