half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
