"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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