"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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