Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She told me I should be a condom model.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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